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“TEACUP ACTS”
Socially Challenging Mini Behaviors in Performance Vignette with dinner audience opinions welcomed.
The Alcoholic
By
Alan (Al) Cellini
Long Island, New York
alcellini.com
631.375.6004
FADE IN:
I WANT A DRINK
Two men waiting to be served at a nice restaurant. Waitress passes but does not acknowledge their presence.
(Sylvester and Sal are sitting at a table)
SYLVESTER
(appears annoyed but gathers his frustration)
Nice place.
(mime motions for server)
SAL
Yeah, I’ve been here.
SYLVESTOR
(pause)
What’s with the service?
SAL
We just got here. Not even 60 seconds.
(pause)
What’s the matter with you?
SLYVESTOR
(uncomfortable)
Nothing.
SAL
Then relax.
SYLVESTER
(uncomfortably motions for a waiter)
SAL
You hungry?
​
SYLVESTER
(pause – agitated – shaking his head)
What is their problem!
SAL
(alarmed)
What, you have to have a drink?
SYLVESTER
(acting intentionally relaxed – deep breath)
Who said I have to drink?
(pause…)
SAL
Then don’t drink.
SYLVESTER
(quick snap back)
Don’t tell me not to drink!
SAL
(4th wall)
​
Are you serious? Are you really serious? You tell me’ you’re not going to have a drink. I did not tell you’ not to have a drink. (pause) I said, then don’t drink. That’s all.
SYLVESTER
(4th wall)
Same thing.
(pause - annoyed)
Just don’t tell me not to have a drink. Every time we hang out, this is what I’ve got to hear.
(pause…)
SAL
I’m just saying.
SYLVESTER
(pause…)
Then don’t.
(pause…)
SAL
Then don’t.
SYLVESTER
(pause…)
Now you’re being a wise guy about it? You have to be a wise guy?
SAL
I’m just saying (pause) then don’t drink.
​
SYLVESTER
(ballistic)
Always blaming me!
SAL
(motions for a waiter)
(waitress comes right over)
WAITESS
(asking Sylvester)
What will you be drinking, sir?
FADE OUT: waitress finishing taking their drink orders. Sylvester orders a large root beer. Sal orders a Martini.
THE END