“TEACUP ACTS” 

Socially Challenging Mini Behaviors in Performance Vignette with dinner audience opinions welcomed.  

 

 

The Alcoholic

By

Alan (Al) Cellini

Long Island, New York

alan.cellini@gmail.com

alcellini.com

631.375.6004

 

 

FADE IN:

 

I WANT A DRINK

 

Two men waiting to be served at a nice restaurant. Waitress passes but does not acknowledge their presence.  

 

(Sylvester and Sal are sitting at a table)

 

SYLVESTER

(appears annoyed but gathers his frustration)

Nice place.

(mime motions for server)

 

SAL

Yeah, I’ve been here.

 

SYLVESTOR

(pause)

What’s with the service? 

                 

 

SAL 

We just got here. Not even 60 seconds. 

(pause)

What’s the matter with you?

                 

SLYVESTOR 

(uncomfortable)

Nothing. 

 

SAL

Then relax.        

                 

SYLVESTER

(uncomfortably motions for a waiter) 

     

SAL

You hungry?  

SYLVESTER 

(pause – agitated – shaking his head)

 What is their problem! 

 

SAL

(alarmed)

 What, you have to have a drink?     

                 

SYLVESTER

(acting intentionally relaxed – deep breath)

Who said I have to drink? 

(pause…) 

                 

SAL

Then don’t drink.

                 

SYLVESTER

(quick snap back)

Don’t tell me not to drink! 

                 

SAL

 

(4th wall)

Are you serious? Are you really serious? You tell me’ you’re not going to have a drink. I did not tell you’ not to have a drink. (pause) I said, then don’t drink. That’s all. 

                 

SYLVESTER

 

(4th wall)

           

Same thing.

(pause - annoyed) 

Just don’t tell me not to have a drink. Every time we hang out, this is what I’ve got to hear. 

 

(pause…)

 

SAL

I’m just saying.

      

SYLVESTER

(pause…)

 

Then don’t.

 

(pause…)

 

SAL

Then don’t.

 

SYLVESTER

(pause…)

           

Now you’re being a wise guy about it? You have to be a wise guy?

                 

SAL

I’m just saying (pause) then don’t drink.

SYLVESTER

(ballistic)

 

Always blaming me!  

                 

SAL

(motions for a waiter) 

(waitress comes right over)

                 

WAITESS

(asking Sylvester)

 

What will you be drinking, sir?   

 

FADE OUT: waitress finishing taking their drink orders. Sylvester orders a large root beer. Sal orders a Martini.  

 

 

THE END